500平方超市投资多少钱:如何处理负面反馈

作为人，我们总受到周遭评价的影响。不管评价是好是坏还是中立，但凡我们听到的那些词汇和腔调，都会对我们的自我感觉和如何看待周遭世界产生很大影响。从我们第一开始意识到语言的两面性时，就能感觉到它既可以伤人，当然，也可以抚慰受伤的灵魂

Feeling the sting of a verbal attack

感受语言攻击的痛

I recently received an email from one of my websites that was anything but positive in nature.  I was basically told, by a total stranger that had just laid eyes on my site for the very first time, that I was a worthless piece of @#$%.  This person seemed to go to great lengths to tare me down as quickly and effectively as possible.  I had been having quite a tough week and this was just one more stone that had met its intended target.

最近从我的一个网站收到一封邮件，信里面除了本能积极的情绪之外，什么都包括了。那个陌生人，就在仅仅瞟了一眼我的网站情况下，说我是个没用的废物。那个人似乎是要用玩儿命的，用最快最有效的手段把我的生活搅乱。我那周难过极了，而且这才只是他的目标之一。

I started to reply, trying to stay calm and not be a jerk right back, but I was having a hard time not getting defensive.  So I got Liz to read the email and asked her opinion.  The second she had finished reading the words of this viscous verbal assault, she looked at me and said, “Eric, why would you even give this person two seconds of your time?  Just delete it and move on.”  Realizing the foolishness of trying to defend myself to someone who had no intention of having a two way conversation, I deleted the email and tried my best to forget about it.

我开始给他回复，试着保持冷静，努力不把自己变成小人，但是我发现很难不反抗。所以我让LIZ看我的电邮，然后征求她的意见。就当她读完那些烦人的言语攻击后，她看着我说：“ERIC，你为什那么要花两秒钟时间给这个人？删了它，然后继续生活。”在意识到我为了保护自己而去和一个没有互相沟通意愿的人去争辩是一件很蠢的事情后，我删掉了邮件，尽最大努力忘掉它。

Later that day, while walking our dogs, Liz and I discussed the situation.  She admitted that it was easy for her to tell me to forget about it, but that if it had been directed at her, it most certainly would have bothered her, but that paying attention to that kind of feedback will do nothing but bring you down.  That absolutely NO GOOD could ever come from responding to the kind of hate that was in that email.  I agreed and I moved on.

几天后，在一次遛狗的时候，我和LIZ聊起了现在的情况。她承认对她来说，很容易忘掉这些事情。但如果这事发生在她身上，肯定会让她焦头烂额的。但是在这种事情上浪费时间，除了使你失落，别的什么都不会有。给那封令人讨厌的邮件回复，什么好事都不会有的。我同意这一点，事情继续下去。

The effect of feedback

反馈的力量

I don’t know about you, but when I have a couple of days that are filled with nothing but positive reinforcement and encouragement, I can’t help but feel light on my feet.  I have more energy, get more done and tend to be a more positive person.  But this can easily be brought to a screeching halt if the right words are used.  Something like that email I described above can really take the wind out of my sales if I let it.  I like for people to like me and I enjoy sharing positive experiences, not baring the brunt of someone else’s bad day.  I want to help people when they are in need, not get stepped on when things don’t go their way.

我一点都不了解你，然而当我的生活中有几天充满了鼓励与努力，我情不自禁的感到浑身轻松。我有好多能量，做了好些事情，正在向一个积极的态度发展。（译者注：以上为读者的邮件内容）如果用词准确，这些不会轻易成为长篇大论的。像这些我描述的邮件内容，可以是我浑身轻松如果我愿意的话。我喜欢人们欣赏我，我喜欢分享那些积极的经验，而不是去分担人们痛苦的经验。我希望帮助有需要的人，而不是那些走错自己路的人。

There’s a saying, “Water off a duck’s back.”  This usually pertains to a situation where an individual is criticized, but not affected by it.  Somehow this person is able to let the negativity just roll right off their hypothetical back.  This is rare and often times falsely mentioned.  We are VERY effected by feedback from others and it is near impossible to completely disregard the different colored sound waves that find their way to our acute audible sensors. So let’s not kid ourselves.  We generally DO care what others think about us and both positive AND negative feedback will usually have at least SOME effect on us.  The question isn’t, “How can we ignore certain sound waves?”  But instead, “How can we properly channel the different tones that take aim at us?”  Just like certain martial arts may teach, it is better to go with the force of the attacking blow and use its energy to benefit yourself, than it is to try and fight it, or in many cases, try and ignore it.

有句谚语叫“波澜不惊”。通常指那些遭受批评的个人，但却不受影响。这些人可以很好的从负面情绪中，把自己解脱出来。这种品质很稀有，而且被成倍的错误引用。我们受别人意见影响是非常大的，近乎不可能让这种感觉从我们敏锐的感官下溜走。所以，还是别自欺欺人了。我们通常会想别人是怎么评价我的，而且好的坏的意见都会影响我们。问题不在于“我们如何忽视这些声音？”，而是“我们应该怎么合适的渡过那些针对我们的不同声音？”就像一些武术交给我们的，我们应该直面对方的武力，然后借力打力从中受益，要比反抗它，回避它的效果好很多。

How To Stop Letting People Make Or Break Your Life

如何不让别人打搅你的生活

So you’re like me in that your mindset, motivation and productivity are sometimes dictated by the feedback of the people around you.  You’re sick of working hard to build up momentum, only to be taken out at the knees by a barrage of negativity.

在我们的思维定势里，激励和结果是会受到周遭人们意见指挥的。你已经厌倦了全力去构建火力，最后只能是从火力网中被撤下来。（译者注：比喻句，用战场来形容）

Let’s stop handing over the keys to other people’s opinions and bring stability to our personal perspective of ourselves.

我们不要在受别人意见的左右，自己让自己平静吧。

Tip #1:  Determine the usefulness of the negative feedback.

第一点：认清消极意见的作用

As we all know, just because something is negative doesn’t mean it is wrong and/or can’t be turned into a positive.  When we first receive feedback that threatens to bring us down we need to ask ourselves if there is anything useful we can take from it.  Are we doing something wrong?  Can we learn from this to improve our tomorrow?  If there is merit to the comment and we can learn from it, we should determine the lesson, learn it and then go about our business.  But if it turns out to be a difference of opinion or just negativity for the sake of negativity, we must see it for what it is (someone esle’s problem) and move on.

我们知道，消极意见不代表它是错的，也不代表它不能被转化成积极的。当我们一开始接受到消极意见，似乎要让我们失落时，我们应该想想是否可以从中学到什么。我们做错什么了吗？我们能学到东西来提高我们吗？如果有值得学习的地方，我们就应该好好吸取教训，从中学习然后转化成自己的方式。但如果结局是使我们走向消极或与我们的观点不和，我们应该想想是不是别人的错，然后再做定夺。

tip #2:  Beware of the dangerous Half-Truth

第二点：小心信息不对称

When others attempt to bring us down, they often do so by using the good old half-truth.  They throw in JUST enough truth to get us second guessing ourselves and then naturally becoming defensive.

当其他人试图想让我们失落时，他们会选择使用传统的方法——信息不对称。他们仅仅告诉我们小部分信息让我们很快的怀疑自己，然后变的自我保护。

Think about it.  When you have received negative feedback, was it the completely false statements that effected you most, or those that had a bit of truth sprinkled in with the lies?  When there is some truth involved, we naturally pay attention and often try and pick through the statement to figure out what exactly needs to be done.  We think, “Well, that one part is true and I KIND OF do that thing they pointed out, but the way they spin the idea is completely false.”

想想这种情况。当你听到不好的意见，全部都是错误的说法对你影响大？还是那些谎言中带着一部分真实的信息对你影响大？如果有一部分真实的信息在里面，我们自然而然会注意，然后把他们找出来，看看我们需要做什么。我们想：“好滴，那些事情有一部分是真的，我是有些他们说的那种错误，但他们那种表达想法的方式是错的。”

The problem with this is that we can find ourselves stuck in a pointless cycle of trying to reason out what may just be a bunch of false information that had no intention of constructively criticizing us.  We spin our wheels attempting to effectively determine a defense, when no defense is needed or even advisable.  This is often a complete waste of time.

这种事情的问题在于：我们在一堆对我们没有建设性意见的，也许是错误的信息里不断打转，试图找出原因在哪。我们在不需要自我防卫的情况下，不断尝试自我防卫。简直就是浪费时间。

So how do we deal with these deceivingly destructive accusations without lowering our standards and losing valuable time?

在不会浪费我们的时间和降低我们的标准的情况下，我们该如何处理这些没有建设性意见的指责？

It’s quite simple, actually.  We just need to look at the ENTIRE statement and not just the individual points.  Let’s say you own a bakery and specialize in blueberry muffins.  One day the owner of the bakery across the street comes in and says,”You sell your muffins for less than I do.  (TRUTH)  From what I can tell, you’ve found a way to get the same ingredients for less than I can get them (TRUTH) and have come up with a way to make your muffins in half the time (TRUTH).  Way to go!  You’ve just brought down the standards of the muffin making industry!”  (FALSE)

实际上，很简单。我们应该看到整个评论，而不是某一个人的观点。比如你有一个面包店，主营蓝莓松糕。有一天，有家面包店的主人到你店里说：“你卖的松糕比我便宜。（真话）。我还发现，进货渠道也比我便宜，而且制作时间比我少一半（真话）。太好了！你降低了松糕制作的行业标准！（假的）”

OK, so this guy obviously had it in for you from the get go, but he DID lay down a bunch of truths.  Up until the very end, he was describing your actions with great detail.  But he then managed to spin those facts into one final false accusation.  Now you’re thinking, “Is it possible that my actions are wrong in some way?  Should I re-think the way I’m doing things?”

好的，很明显这个人从一开始就要欺骗你，但他也确实说了真话。从头到尾，他都在具体描述你的一举一动的细节。但他成功的把事实扭转成了荒谬的指责、现在你想想：“我的行为能是错的么？我应该反思自己么？”

We need to realize that a statement is either true or false.  Their may be some truths and some lies mixed in, but the entire statement is saying something specific, and it is the point that it’s trying to make that is either true or false.  So if we were to look at this competitor’s statement as either true or false, we could clearly see it as false.  But fall into the trap of picking it apart and we only confuse ourselves with conflicting information.

我们要注意到评论不是对的，就是错的。有时候谎言和真实混在一起，但因为整个评论是有指向性的，也正是因为这样，评论才不是对的就是错的。也就是说，如果把我们对手的意见只分为对错两种情况，那我们很容易认为它是错的。但如果一陷入在要把真话和假话区分开，我们最终会在混乱的信息里搞懵自己。

Another trick is to remove the false parts of the statement and then repeat what’s left, but in a positive tone.  Let’s picture an appreciative customer who’s eating one of your delicious blueberry muffins and positively saying the exact statement, minus the last bit of lies.  “You sell your muffins for less than the baker across the street.  From what I can tell, you’ve found a way to get the same ingredients for less than he can get them and have come up with a way to make your muffins in half the time.  Way to go!”  Same statement, minus the lies, with a positive tone.  COMPLETELY different statement!  So remember that it’s often times not the words being said, but the intentions behind them that determine their tone.  If changing the intentions changes the tone, then you’re most likely dealing with a mere opinion and not a fact of any kind.

另一种情况是把那些虚假的部分删除，用一种积极的态度重复剩下的部分。我们想想这样一幅画面，一个客人在享受你的超级美味的蓝莓松糕，她说了很多好话，但没说最后的一部分谎言。“你的松糕家隔壁街对面的便宜。我还发现，你进货渠道比他便宜，而且制作时间少。太好啦！”同样的评论，抛去谎言部分，有一个积极口吻。完全不同了！所以请记住，很多是时候不是说话的内容，而是语言背后的意图决定着腔调。

Tip #3:  Determine WHO you will listen to

第三点：听谁的

As much as that email was hurtful with its malicious message, the author in no way fit the profile of an individual I would ever care to absorb opinion.  It’s absolutely crucial that we know exactly what kind of person we care to mind and therefore what type of individual we will pay NO mind.

尽管那些恶言相加的邮件伤我很深，但我绝不会去想象那些什么意见也没给我的人，会是个什么样子的。去了解我们在意的究竟是什么样的人是件很重要的事情，因为有些人我们不必要去花费时间伤神。

For myself, I will always at least hear out family and friends.  This is, for the most part, a given.  But even here we need to be cautious.  Be sure this loved one has proper perspective to be paying you thought.  Even a friend isn’t always going to give good advice.

我个人而言，我至少倾听朋友和家人的话。最主要是因为，给予。但我们也要注意。要确定这个人有合适的观点，才值得你去花时间思考。朋友给的不都是好主意。

But what about mere acquaintances or even total strangers?  Some great advice has been given to me by strangers, so their lack of relationship to you should never keep you from learning from their insight.  It then comes down to their values, their mindset when sharing the thought and what they have to gain by your reaction to the comment.

但是那些特别熟和特别陌生的人怎么办呢？我得到一些很好的建议，虽然陌生人关系疏远，但绝不能不听取他们说的意见。然后看看他们的价值观 ，他们分享想法的思维定势，然后就是他们从你对待评论的反应中得到了什么。

It was obvious to me that the author of this email was not acting from a healthy set of values.  That this individual was not in a good mindset when they typed the hateful words and that the only thing they had to gain from my reaction was a sense of twisted satisfaction that they had knocked me down a notch.  It was obvious to me that this person did NOT hold an opinion that I needed to be mindful of.  And Once I realized this, it made it much easier to disregard them as someone having a bad day and frankly, not my concern.

很明显我收到这封邮件的主人，没有一个健康的价值观。这类人在写那些污秽的字眼时，就不怀好意，而且他们从我的反应中唯一的收获就是把我击垮后的满足感。很明显，持这种观点的人不值得我去在乎。然后我意识到这一点时，就让我浑身轻松，不用去管他们是否度过了很差的一天，而且坦白讲，这也不归我管。

Tip #4:  Accept your imperfections

第四点：接受不完美

We may be fully aware that we are not perfect people, but it can still sting when that imperfection is pointed out by another.  We try so hard to think things through and cover all the bases, but sometimes we drop the ball.  When this occurs and you get some flack for it, lean to take it in stride.  Quite often I find myself over focusing on a pointed out imperfection, trying to determine what went wrong and what I could have done differently.  This in itself can be a good thing, a way to learn from our mistakes, but once we find ourselves feeling discouraged as a result, we need to step back and accept the fact that EVERYONE makes mistakes.  The more comfortable you are with the fact that you’re going to trip up from time to time, the quicker you’ll bounce back when others make your imperfections known.

我们也许完全意识到我们是不完美的人，担当别人指出来我们的不完美还是很难受的。我们努力做到最好，但总会落下些什么。这种事发生了，而且还遭受批评了，我们就会请想去了解它。很多时候，我发现自己过于在意自己的不完美，老想着去找到问题所在，然后做出改变。本身是个好事，从中找到自己的错误，但我们发现自己受挫后，我们需要静下来接受每个人都会犯错的事实。对现实越满意，越容易一次次的犯错，就会在别人指出错误时，很快的做出回击。

Tip #5:  Take a breather

第五点：深呼吸

The worst thing you can do when dealing with negative feedback is let your pride get involved.  You may want to lash out at someone or stoop down to their level.  This is NEVER a good thing.  You either continue a useless conversation or stoke the flames of a fire that only burns as long as two continue to tango.

处理负面意见的最差方法是让你的成就参与进来。也许你想骂娘，或者是屈身到他们的等级。这绝不是个好主意。你既不能继续无用的对话，也不能两个人只要还在跳舞就继续给点火（译者注：指不懂得停下）。

Instead of reacting (and quite possibly over-reacting), sleep on it.  Give yourself some time to get away from the situation and even forget about it for a bit.  Let your subconscious chew on it for a while and see what it thinks.  The following day you can re-visit the issue and determine your course of action with a much greater chance of choosing wisely.  You may decide like I did that no response is necessary.  Or that becoming defensive will serve no purpose.  Whichever rout you choose, you’ll be doing so from a level perspective and not an in-the-moment reaction that might very well create more problems than you started out with.

做出反映到不如不管。让自己从中抽离出来，甚至忘掉它。让你的潜意识思考，看看会有什么发生。紧接下来重新审视这个问题，用更明智的选择来解决这个问题。你也许和我一样，不回应是必要的。或者说，自我防卫什么也带不来。不管你选哪条路，你应该把眼光放远，而不立即做出反应，因为这一定会生出更多事端。

Tip #6:  Build momentum regardless of reaction

第六点：心无旁骛，一心向前

Just as much as we should not let negative feedback knock us down, we need to be cautious about how much we rely on the positive to push us forward.  There’s nothing wrong with riding the waves of encouragement, but if this is the foundation we chose to build our future success, we will see our personal development crumble, time and time again.  Our motivation should come from knowing we are moving in the the right direction and that we are unwilling to settle for less than awesome.  We can enjoy the pats on the back when they come, but our identity needs to be formed from a foundation independent of those around us.

我们尽可能不让负面情绪击倒我们，我们要认识到人是靠积极地意识向前的。乘着鼓励的浪潮向前没错，但如果这是我们将来成功的基础，我们会发现个人发展会一次又一次崩的。我们的动力应该来自我们在向正确的方向航行，如果不完美就不停下。当有拍打从后面来袭，我们要学会享受，但我们的个性应该形成在独立于周遭环境的基础之上。

Final Thoughts

最后总结

The bottom line is that as long as we are striving to better our lives as well as those around us, we should never fear the negativity that will inevitably come our way.  Some will be true and some, half-true, but none should make us feel any less capable than before.  Learn to properly filter this feedback and you will always maintain your motivation and proper piece of mind.

只要我们和周遭的人都在为美好生活奋斗时，就不要恐惧不可避免的负面评价。有些是对的，有些是不对称的，但我们绝不可以否定自己。学会过滤那些意见，就会更好的激励自己，可以有一个合适的想法。